Do you avoid the word "but" in your communication?

The word "but" often sounds negative and creates friction—even when you're agreeing. Phrases like "Yes, but...” can come across as dismissive, subtly negating what was just said. This can make the other person feel unheard or contradicted.

Instead, try using "Yes, and..." to acknowledge the previous point and build upon it. This approach encourages collaboration and keeps conversations constructive.

Video: How to deal with mean people using YES AND (2 min)

Tip: Remember to choose the right words and maintain a constructive tone.

In written communication, you can often replace "but" with a full stop and start a new sentence.

“I agree with your idea, but it needs refinement.”

Figure: Bad example - Sounds dismissive, as the "but" undermines your agreement

“I agree with your idea. It needs refinement.”

Figure: Good example - Keeps the tone neutral and supportive. Both thoughts stand on their own

This small change keeps the tone neutral and professional while delivering the same message more effectively.

💼 Sales Tip

When a client questions the price, don’t say:

“Yes, but it’s expensive because we put a lot of effort into it.”

Figure: Bad example – Sounds apologetic and defensive.

Instead, use confidence and the “yes, and” approach:

“Yes, and that’s because we put a lot of effort into it.”

Figure: Good example – Acknowledges the concern and reinforces the value.

Stand behind your value. The language you use shapes how your price is perceived.

Handling Objections & Personal Attacks (AVR)

Sometimes the other person is flat-out wrong or takes a swipe at you.
Use Acknowledge → Validate → Reframe (AVR) to stay calm, correct the record, and move forward:

Step	What to say	Why it works
1 Acknowledge	“I hear this is frustrating.”	Naming feelings lowers defensiveness and arousal :contentReference[oaicite:2]{index=2}
2 Validate (Feel–Felt–Found option)	“Others felt the same at first…”	People feel heard when you show empathy :contentReference[oaicite:3]{index=3}
3 Reframe with ‘Yes, and’	“Yes, and it sounds like the real issue is risk—let’s look at mitigations.”	Improv research shows “Yes, and” increases cooperation :contentReference[oaicite:4]{index=4}
4 Provide facts calmly	“Our last three projects this size finished inside two weeks.”	Non-violent communication focuses on needs, not blame :contentReference[oaicite:5]{index=5}
5 Bridge & pivot	“What might help is a weekly checkpoint—does that work for you?”	Bridging keeps the deal moving instead of bogging down in debate :contentReference[oaicite:6]{index=6}

Quick scripts

Price objection (sales call)
Prospect: “That’s double our budget!”
You: “I get why that feels steep, and others felt the same. They found bundling discovery and the build cut re-work. Shall we unpack the value together?”

Personal dig (internal)
Colleague: “You always set impossible deadlines.”
You: “Sounds like the timing hasn’t worked for you, and I’d like to fix that. Let’s map the timeline and see where it slipped.”

Why this works

Validation makes people feel heard, reducing stress hormones :contentReference[oaicite:7]{index=7}.
Reframing steers the chat from blame to problem-solving :contentReference[oaicite:8]{index=8}.
Bridging and pivoting are proven objection-handling moves in sales playbooks :contentReference[oaicite:9]{index=9}.