Do you address the elephant in the room?
Sometimes, meetings can drag on while everyone tiptoes around an obvious problem, like a missed deadline, an unspoken conflict, or a broken feature. This is common in teams who don't trust each other or don't know the value of healthy conflict.
Tip: Learn more on Teamwork - Do you know the 5 dysfunctions of a team?
When teams avoid naming the elephant, trust fades and projects drift. Talking about it early, calmly, and clearly turns awkward silence into progress.
Here's how to structure it:
- Say what you see (brief, neutral, specific).
- State the impact (on goals, customers, dates, money).
- Invite perspectives (assume you might be missing something).
- Propose next steps (owner, action, date).
- Write it down (minutes, email, work item).
When to use it
Use this rule any time the room feels tense and no one is saying why. Maybe a project is clearly off-track, but the updates skip over it, or feedback is being hinted at rather than spoken plainly. Sometimes the real issue is a risky assumption no one has challenged, or a key person is missing and decisions keep stalling. If it feels like everyone is thinking the same thing but avoiding it, it’s time to name the elephant.
Example 1 – Client delivery slip
“We're working hard. Let’s park timelines for now.”
Figure: Bad example - Client loses trust; slip becomes a surprise
“We're trending two weeks late because of the API blocker. That risks the launch event on Nov 15th.
I see a few options:
A. remove SSO from MVP
B. add Thom full-time for 10 days
C. move launch to 29 Nov
Which do you prefer?”
Figure: Good example - Clear trade-offs and a decision path
Example 2 – Internal performance issue
“Let’s focus on positives today.”
Figure: Bad example - Issue festers; team gossips instead of fixes
“Let’s talk about the elephant: our PR review turnaround has averaged 3 days. That’s stalling the team. Can we agree on a 24-hour SLA and a backup reviewer?”
Figure: Good example - A measurable change with shared ownership
