Communication - Do you handle passive aggressive comments effectively?

Passive aggressive comments can hinder effective communication and breed resentment in a team. Addressing such comments thoughtfully can transform a frustrating interaction into a productive discussion.

Video: How to handle passive aggressive comments (1 min)

Steps to Handle Passive Aggressive Comments

1. Acknowledge the Subtext

Begin by reflecting what you sense in their comment. Use phrases like:

"It sounds like there’s more to that."
"It seems like you’re holding something back."
"It sounds like there’s more for me to understand about what you just said."

These responses show that you recognize a deeper concern without escalating the situation.

2. Seek Clarification

Ask, “Should I read into that?”

This invites the person to clarify their statement
Even if they respond “no,” they’ll be more mindful in future conversations knowing that their comments won’t be ignored

3. Address Feelings Directly

Kindly and genuinely ask, “How are you feeling?”

This can create a safe space for the other person to express what’s really bothering them
Often, addressing emotions leads to a more productive discussion and resolution

What Not to Do

Avoid explicitly calling out the behavior as passive aggressive, such as saying, “That was a bit passive aggressive.” This approach is likely to put the other person on the defensive and escalate tension.

A teammate says, "I didn’t realize you suddenly cared about deadlines."

Figure: Bad Example - Responding defensively with, “That was a bit passive aggressive. What’s your problem?” escalates tension and makes the situation worse

Figure: Good Example - Responding kindly with, “It sounds like there’s more to that. How are you feeling about the deadlines?” opens the door to a constructive conversation

Why This Works

De-escalation: Thoughtful responses defuse tension and avoid accusations
Clarity: Direct questions about feelings or intent help uncover the real issue
Resolution: Focusing on emotions often resolves misunderstandings and fosters better communication

By responding with empathy and professionalism, you can handle passive aggressive comments effectively, maintain a positive atmosphere, and build stronger relationships within your team.