Do you know how to separate the urge from the behavior?

Sometimes people get in the bad habit of reacting poorly when they receive some negative feedback, bad news or disappointing results.

These habits are not good as they lead to negative emotional responses.

To get out of this habit, you can try to separate the initial emotional urge from the actual behavior and break the connection.

Next time you are in a situation where you have the urge to respond negatively, instead of reacting immediately set a timer for 30 minutes. After this time, you can decide if you still want to proceed once your head is clear.

This technique can help you:

Avoid saying things you don't mean
Make more logical decisions
Overcome bad habits
Manage your emotions

This concept applies at work and at home.

Video: A useful tool for quitting bad habits and poor emotional reactions (3 min)

Example

Imagine John implemented a nav menu on a website, and he receives this email from the client.

Hi John,

The nav menu is on the wrong side of the page. It should be on the left, not the right.

Please fix this

Option 1 - React immediately

Hey Bob,

How am I supposed to know that? I'm almost certain The PBIs Acceptance Criteria said put it on the right.

Figure: Bad example - reacting immediately can lead to a bad decision 😡

Option 2 - Set a time for 30 min, then respond

You will be able to respond calmly and logically.

Hey Bob,

Thanks for letting me know, I've taken some time to check the Acceptance Criteria and you're right - I must have misread it. This is quick to fix, so I'll do it now and send you a screenshot.

Figure: Good example - setting a timer disconnects the urge from the behavior (bad reaction)